True confession. Last week, where I thought I really wanted to be…needed to be…was at an amazing leadership conference, sitting with my friends old and new in an auditorium full of world-changers.
So much of my identity and worth was attached, is attached to me showing up in those spaces.
Introverted? Actually, yes. Yet I have an inordinate need to be visible, to be seen, where it matters and when it matters. I crave the inspiration, the buzz, the synergy. Crave is not a good word, friends. Rarely is it a good word.
This craving I have, that perhaps some of you might share, is one that needs to be wrestled to the ground with a cease and desist order, once and for all. Because the myth, even the lie, that wonder can only be experienced in big spaces in the spotlight, perpetuates, is that you need to be seen to be valued. This is so not true.
When I really pressed in last week, I heard so clearly that the right place to be was right where I was. I heard so clearly that my place of worth is not driven by context or platform, but by Presence. God always has me where He wants me because He’s got some things He wants me to know, to hear, to create. I would not be open or listening in a crowded room of louder voices, telling me how to be more, be better. The inspiration is credible and amazing, to be sure. But the craving for it is from a darker, more insidious origin.
I know myself. I know I am more quick to choose a place where other voices and powerful presentations fill the space in my empty heart. Maybe I’m even an addict for the ‘wow’. I am grateful I chose, with great effort, to give back my ticket for the ‘wow’ and instead chose to embrace the wonder.
There is no ticket required for the wonder.
The wonder of time to create and let my own voice come to the surface has a free entrance. I am unbound by the need to be anywhere but where I am.
I don’t need to be the right girl at the right place the right time to be seen.
The right place is where I’ve surrendered my agenda and opened up my soul to His presence. I am in a place where I can continue to dream about how God is calling His Canadian girls to rise to their collective voice to transform their nation.
And I am listening for my own voice to find itself. This is my auditorium right here and I am seen by the audience of One, exchanging my fear of missing out for the joy of missing out. The wrestling may take a lifetime to settle itself but every time I get to choose wonder over wow, I move closer to the center of the heart of Jesus.
Gather Women has intentionally chosen WONDER as our word for 2019 and as the theme of Gather Rise, taking place October 25-26, 2019 in Ontario. We want to model the way by sharing our stories of where we experience the wonder of our Creator. It is becoming more real to me that His wonder is to be savoured in the secret place of belonging.
I pray you will learn to recapture the Wonder of God in 2019 in a fresh way. May His presence wash over you and fill you with joy as you trust Him to position you exactly where you need to be. You can trust His presence to find you there.