When You Don’t Feel Like You Fit In
By Bianca Schaefer
Do you remember the classic high school movies—the ones with the cafeteria scene? There’s always a table for the athletes, a table for the popular kids, and then… the outsider. The one carrying a tray, searching for a place to belong.
As teenagers, we assume this longing to fit in will fade as we grow older. Surely, as adults, we’ll outgrow it. But what happens when it doesn’t?
What if, even as a woman in leadership, you find yourself wondering where you belong? Maybe you’ve been overlooked, excluded, or quietly left out of the circle. Maybe you carry the sense that you’re always too much or not enough to be fully accepted.
Why We Long to Fit In
We were created for belonging. From the beginning, God designed us for relationship—with Him and with others. So when we feel like an outsider, it cuts deep. The ache of rejection can make us doubt our value, our voice, and even our leadership.
But here’s the truth: fitting in was never meant to be the goal. Being rooted in Christ is.
God’s Acceptance Never Shifts
When others turn away, God leans in. His love is steady, unchanging, and secure.
He never turns His back on us the way people sometimes do.
He doesn’t walk away when better friends come along.
He doesn’t reject us because we don’t fit in.
He doesn’t abandon us when we’re weary or struggling.
Jesus reminds us in John 15:16: “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.”
People may exclude us, but in Christ, we are already chosen. He doesn’t just give us a seat at the table—He gives us a purpose that lasts far beyond human approval.
Leading When You Feel Like an Outsider
Leadership can intensify the struggle of belonging. Sometimes, the very act of following God’s call will set you apart. Not everyone will understand, and not everyone will cheer you on. But that doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong place.
Jesus Himself knew the pain of rejection, yet He remained rooted in His Father’s love. And He invites us to do the same: to lead not from a place of striving to belong, but from the security of already belonging to Him.
You Belong Here
If you’ve been feeling like you don’t fit in, be reminded of this: you do belong—in Christ, in His Kingdom, and in the work He has called you to.
And you don’t have to walk this leadership journey alone. That’s why we created The Studio, a 9-month leadership cohort beginning September 28. It’s a safe space for women—whether you’re leading in ministry, the marketplace, or just stepping into leadership—to be equipped, encouraged, and surrounded by a community of sisters who remind you that you belong.
Because leadership was never meant to be a solo journey. And in Christ, you always have a seat at the table.