LeadHER: The Emotion in Emotional Intelligence

Written By: Cathie Ostapchuk 

The other night I was laying in bed, unable to sleep, processing the weight of ministry, and financial and family responsibilities.  I was doing a little check-in to see how I was feeling about the ‘stuff’ that was on my shoulders.  I realized that the emotion keeping me up was not regret, fatigue, or lack of passion but….fear.  I was fearful that I would not be able to fulfill all that had been entrusted to me on my watch.  Once I identified that emotion, I could then begin to put into motion truth as an antidote to fear.  “Perfect love casts out all fear” came into my mind as I received God’s presence into the fear-full emotion and I was then able to rebalance my perspective.

What I am aware of, I can control.  What I am unaware of controls me.

Here’s the thing.  We feel.  We can get hurt, excited, betrayed, motivated, energized, and disappointed at various points in our day.  And we respond out of what we feel.  Emotional Intelligence begins by becoming aware of who we are, what we feel, and why.  It then requires us to manage our emotions in a healthy way and check in to see if balance or a reframing needs to be implemented.  We need to ask ourselves, ‘why am I feeling this way?’ often one, two, three, four or even five times, to get to the heart of our truth.

Where does confidence come from?  It comes from accurately self-assessing our strengths and weaknesses.  It means being able to explore them both.  Self-confidence comes from the ability to ground yourself so that you are secure and self-assured in whatever situation you find yourself in.  Had I not taken the time to dig deep into my underlying emotion, process it, and reframe it, I would have spent my day letting the fear impact my confidence and ability to serve others from abundance, rather than fear and self-preservation.

Do you know the emotions you are most susceptible to?  Are they strengths or weaknesses in your life?  Where can you spend some time to self-assess the core, and begin to reframe so you can serve others with confidence?  Jesus was the only person who was always in control of His emotions because they were grounded in deep security in the love of the Father. 

Wouldn’t you and I send a strong message to the world and those we serve, if we could increase our emotional intelligence and lead securely from love and not for love?

Check in with your guiding emotions.  What are they telling you?  And most importantly, are you in control or being controlled by them? We’d love to hear your wisdom!